Traitor
by ayanastar
Summary: I can't do this. I can't betray myself or my morals. If I must betray those to whom I've pledged alliegance, so be it. I will not be a pawn. I will be like Sirius; brave and good. I must wash away the guilt and the blood on my hands.


**Traitor**

I clenched my teeth; suppressing a cry of pain. The burning sensation in my arm slowly receded; instead of the fierce and intense burning, I now felt a dull throb. I opened my eyes, my vision blurred from my unshed tears. My arm was cradled to my side and I let my breath out in a low hiss.

"Welcome Regulus Black, to the most superior clan of the Death Eaters!" a voice boomed and I instinctively bowed down. I recognized this voice very well, and it was a voice that demanded respect. Whenever I heard this voice that resembled a harsh hiss, I could not help but obey.

"Black, you have proven yourself worthy. Where we have failed with one brother, we have succeeded with the other!"

"Thank you my lord. My brother is nothing but a blood-traitor, not fit to lick your shoes," I said humbly, keeping my eyes trained on the stone floors.

"Well said Black. You shall bring your family much honor." My master was quite evidently gloating. Ah yes, honor, that thing my parents seeked so fervently.

As a child, Sirius had always gotten the praise. I was never as handsome, charming, smart or athletic as my older brother. Sirius was always a priority, while I sat in my room, lonely and forgotten. However, there came a day when the attention shifted. My parents had high hopes for Sirius; he would uphold the family honor, marry a rich pureblood and foremost, he would join that wonderful man, Lord Voldemort.

"This man," my mother would say, "has the right idea about the wizarding world; purebloods are best."

Little did my parents know the extent of the Dark Lord's actions. No, my parents would never know, but I would. I would have to be one of the executioners, one of the torturers under his command.

As I said, my parent had great plans for Sirius. As for me, well in their opinion, my future could wait. That was until Sirius arrived at Hogwarts and made a crucial mistake; he was sorted into Gryffindor. Until that day I had gotten along with Sirius. In my childish mind, he was my hero. He would play Quidditch with me, and he helped me improve so that I would make it on the team once at Hogwarts. He helped me climb the tree in our yard and he would always wrestle with me.

Then from one day to another, all that changed. I became the favorite, and Sirius was more estranged to us than I had ever been. My mother made it quite clear that I was to have the least amount of contact with my brother.

"Sirius is a blood-traitor, he is not fit to carry the Black name. You are not to speak to him; he is not worthy of your time. Regulus, you have a bright future ahead of you, do not waste it as he did," my mother would instruct me.

However she was wrong about one thing; my future was neither bright nor powerful. Instead, I descended into the furthest pits of hell-on-earth, and I was the devil's lackey.

As I progressed through my schooling at Hogwarts, I made friends with other dark, pureblooded Slytherins. My cousin Bellatrix had already graduated and been married, but when I turned fifteen, she took me on as her apprentice, tutoring me in the Dark Arts during the summer. Sirius had moved out nearly two years ago, and although he was on my mind often, he never infiltrated our conversations. It was as if everyone was trying to forget him. But I couldn't manage to do it.

I came to crave power, all I wanted was to be praised and appreciated. At home all I did was never god enough. I knew that if I joined the Dark Lord, my parents would be proud. It came to be all I ever wanted out of life.

So finally after my marking, even the harsh pain of the branding could not erase my feeling of achievement.

"Regulus, take a look at your mark!" Bellatrix called. I looked furtively at my master for permission, and he nodded lightly. I rose from my bow, and stood up, turning my arm towards me. The skin was raw and red, blistering and throbbing painfully. Among the mass of flesh, I could distinctly see the infamous Dark Mark imprinted on me. Forever. There was no going back now. The skull on my arm was grinning, sneering at me. I looked at Bellatrix, awestruck and slightly horrified.

"Isn't it beautiful?" she cooed. I nodded, disagreeing with her completely. Beautiful was not the word to describe this. Gruesome, eerie and fearsome were some of the first words that came to mind. However, I was not going to tell that to my cousin.

I had turned seventeen a week ago, and as soon as I told the Dark Lord of my wish to join him, preparations were made. Personally I had wondered what needed to be prepared, but Bella had told me not to fret; that they were just organizing entertainment for the occasion.

"Now, time for a celebration!" the Dark Lord cackled and at that moment I heard the loud clinking of heavy chains. A bright light was turned on, illuminating a circle in the dim room. One of the Death Eaters was leading two girls who were my age, bound in chains. Everyone started hooting, causing one of the girls to burst into tears. They were brought to the spotlight, stumbling uneasily. The Dark Lord strode over to them, his tall figure menacing.

"These young witches, if they can be called that," he spat angrily, trailing his pale finger down the cheek of one of the whimpering girls, "are here tonight to provide us with some fun. Now, you may wonder, what have they done to deserve this treatment? Why, not only are they half-bloods, a plague on the wizarding world, nearly as filthy as Mudbloods, but their father is head of the Auror Department. You may all know that this is a department in the Ministry, dedicated to stopping us! Now, we don't what that to happen, do we?" he sneered, pacing in front of the shaking sisters.

The Death Eaters cheered, taunting the girls. My arm started throbbing again, and I decided that the pain must be the reason I couldn't get as excited as everyone else. This was fun. It was just the pain bugging me. after all, this was what I wanted. I had power, prestige and even Bella was proud of me for joining. I was finally leading the life I wanted, so everything was going well, right?

"So, I think it's time to teach these people a lesson." His voice was cold and the room grew still as he reached into his dark cloak. He pulled out a long whip uncoiling it with a crack.

He stepped towards the girl closest to him, pulling her to her knees. She whimpered and her sister writhed in her bonds frantically, causing a deafening clinking sound. Voldemort circled the girl, flicking the whip, making the redhead raise her hands to her face, her knees curled under herself. After what seemed like an eternity, he brought it crashing onto her spine. She let out a shrill scream that turned into a sob, the echo ringing through the room. The Death Eaters snickered and I shut my eyes, listening to the girl's whimpers. I heard another snap, once again followed by a scream.

I bit my lip, keeping my eyes closed as I heard crack after crack, scream after scream. After a while my ears were ringing with the echoes of the whip, the shriek and the Death Eaters' laughter. Suddenly the crack of the whip came down again but it was not followed by the pain-filled scream. Instead there was only a low whimper. I opened my eyes, to see the girl lying on the ground, surrounded by a pool of her blood. Her back was to me, and her shirt had been slashed open by the blows, blood soaking it. Her sister was on her knees, her eyes shut and her hands over her ears, tears running down her face.

"Please. No more," the redhead whispered hoarsely, raising her bloody arm, in a plea of help that was clearer than her words. The Death Eaters cackled, while the Dark Lord looked on in disgust.

"As you wish. We'll let someone else do the honors. Black, I believe circumstances point to you." as he beckoned to me, I strode forward automatically. It wasn't until the metallic smell of blood hit me that I realized what I was doing.

"Do it now Regulus," Bellatrix called, her voice filled with awe and excitement. I looked at the redhead, her eyes filled pain. I wished that my legs hadn't brought me here.

"Please, do it now. I can't stand it anymore." I barely heard the broken whisper, and I then knew I had to do as my master had commanded. Not for him, but for this girl. I had to end the suffering. I pulled my wand out, hoping no one would notice the trembling of my arm.

"Avada Kedavra!" I screamed, a flash of green erupting from my wand. In the split moment before that light collided with the battered body, I saw gratitude in the girl's eyes. The, she became nothing but a lifeless corpse, still warm from the life that had been so cruelly snatched from her. Snatched, by me. As the Death Eaters cheered, the brunette wailed, her hand reaching out to brush her sister's arm, which was close as she could get to her.

"Sara, oh Merlin no. come back, please Sara. You can't be gone. You killed her, you bastard. She's gone now, it's all your fault" she sobbed, her eyes turned to me. I bit on my lip, hard, staring at my shaking hand, resisting the urge to break my wand in half. But I couldn't. I couldn't betray the people which all my life, I had yearned to join.

"Someone, get rid of the body, we still have one more," the Dark Lord commanded.

"I'll do it." My voice was hoarse and everyone looked at me in shock.

"So be it Black." I quickly scurried to the body, levitating it out of the room.

"No! Don't take her away! You can't! Please!" the brunette shrieked, and I quickly closed the door, blocking out the sound of her screams. When I got to the little yard behind the manor, the one reserved for these casualties, I lowered the body to the ground, kneeling next to it. I gently closed her eyelids and held her bloody hand. That's when the tears spilled from my eyes. I had just taken a life. I had just watched a girl be beaten to the brink of death, and I had left her sister to the same fate or maybe something even worse.

I waved my wand, making it dig a grave. I wiped my tears with my good arm and gently lowered the broken body into the grave. As I started to fill the hole, I looked at my hands. They were covered in blood. I literally had this girl's blood on my hands. Guilt and shame filled me.

"I'm so sorry Sara. I'm sorry. I should've stopped him," I whispered and I became filled with so much remorse and pain that knot in my stomach tightened, and I retched all over the ground. I turned around and slowly made my way back to the "celebration". I wiped my mouth and eyes. Suddenly, Sirius' face came into my mind. He would've fought back. He didn't turn into a puppet like me. He wasn't a coward. I promised myself that I would no longer be a coward; I would do this for Sirius. Even if I never saw him again, I wouldn't take pleasure in hurting people; I would be brave. As I got into the hall, there was only the sound of people eating. No screams. No cracks of a whip.

I saw that there was a table in the room, covered in food, the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord all feasting. I rubbed my eyes, wondering if I had imagined the sisters. I felt relief' I had imagined Sara and her sister, I hadn't killed anyone. That was until I saw a dark mass in the now dim center of the room. I peered closely, and saw an arm and brunette hair. The girl was dead. I didn't even know her name. I clenched my fists, fighting the urge to scream in anger and horror.

"Black, sit next to Bellatrix," my master commanded. I scurried there, averting my eyes from the body that was mere meters away from the table.

"What happened?" I asked hollowly.

"Oh well this one didn't last as long. Not as tough as her sister," Bellatrix explained, leaning towards me. I bit my lip, biting back the bile I could feel rising. Under the table, my hands were clenching painfully and the throb of my brand was coming back.

"You see, the Dark Lord decided that Crucio would be a nice way to mix things up." Bellatrix looked ecstatic while I was trying to keep myself from becoming hysterical.

"Isn't anyone going to move the body?" My voice was hoarse but Bellatrix merely shrugged.

"Oh not yet. The Dark Lord likes to make an example; he likes to make sure that his servants will be faithful. This is just a way of him showing off his power." Bella's eyes then moved over to our Master, gazing at him reverently. My eyes moved back to the dead body without me being able to control my gaze. I knew I shouldn't look, but I couldn't help it. Unlike Sara's body, this one had no v however, I knew that it must've hurt intensely for her to beg for death. This wasn't the kind of pain that made you weak; this was the kind of pain that made you go insane.

"You know that right before master finished her off, she was raving? She kept saying things like "I have to see Sara, I have to see her," and at one point she started laughing. Just like that, she was laughing hysterically, saying that the Dark Lord would fail," Bella whispered and I closed my eyes, trying not to picture her last moments alive.

I was going to keep that promise I made to myself. One day, the world would have me to thank for the fall of the Dark Lord. People would know what I had done, I would no longer live in shame, I would no longer feel the burning of guilt, brought by the fact that I had let horrors occur.

For the next eight months I studied the Dark Lord carefully. I noticed that his appearance kept changing. His eyes turned a more intense red, his skin was paler and finally his pupils appeared catlike. It was quite gruesome. Every time they would torture someone, I would do nothing; I wouldn't hurt them, but I wouldn't stop it either. And then, when I would get home, I would throw up several times, shaking and tearing at my hair.

I knew that the Dark Lord was doing something to make this changes occur. There were many times when he fell or was hit by things and should've died, but he didn't. Everyone thought it showed how powerful he was, but I knew that this wasn't normal. Finally, after months of hiding, guilt, shame and fear of being discovered before I reached my goal, I found out what it was. Horcruxes. He must've made more than one to change physically.

Since Bella was his closest servant, I would casually ask facts about his childhood. They weren't very precise but I understood that his parents, both purebloods I was assured, had died when he was young. Apparently he had been placed in an orphanage. I talked to a few people who had been in the same orphanage with him. I gathered that he was disliked and he scared his peers. That was no surprise. Apparently he had taken a little boy to some caves and scared him so much, as to drive him insane. I was informed by an elderly man, John, that when he was twenty, that little boy, Jimmy, hung himself.

It was very horrifying to discover these things about the Dark Lord. It made him all the more fearsome. However, I knew that those caves must've been important in some way to the Dark Lord. I prepared for another three months, trying to learn as many things about Dark Magic that I didn't know, so that I could get to the Horcrux. I don't know why, but I felt sure that one of them was in those caves. So I learnt about blood-sacrifice, Inferi, magic weighing, potions that corroded your skin and many other things.

Finally, the day came when I knew I was ready to venture in. I had tried to contact Sirius, tried to see him, so I could at least in some way tell him I wasn't the evil bastard he thought I was. However, he had made it quite clear that he did see me as an evil bastard and had no intention to ever see me again.

I swam across the rough water, barely feeling the cold. During these months and the mental torture I had gone through by watching people be tortured, I had toughened my body, knowing that if I wanted to succeed, my body had to stop feelings things so much.

I finally clambered into the cave and reached a wall. With my wand, I found the place where the cave REALLY continued. I knew that this was the place of blood-sacrifice. After all, the Dark Lord was fond of anything to do with that.

After much hard work and fear, I managed to get to the end of the cave. I was on a little island and I saw something like a birdbath filled with green liquid. I did a few spells and noticed that I couldn't siphon it out, make it disappear but it wasn't corrosive. However, when I tried to reach into it to get the Horcrux, it was like my hand hit a force field. I knew in that moment that this liquid was poison. Voldemort knew that whoever drank this would get the Horcrux, but die before they could destroy it. I gulped and knew that I had to find an alternative. I had to find someone to come with me, I needed a way to make sure the Horcrux would be destroyed.

I decided that I would leave and find Kreacher, our family's faithful house elf; he would do whatever I told him. As I was on the cliff overlooking the caves, preparing to apparate to Grimmauld Place, my mark started burning. I sighed and let out a roar. I apparated to the Manor where all the Dark Lord's meetings took place. I prepared myself for another night of torture and sleeplessness.

Finally after another month of waiting, I managed to find a night when I would have time to get hold of the Horcrux.

"Kreacher!" I yelled through the empty house. The old bat-like elf was at my side in no time.

"Master Regulus called me?" he croaked.

"Yes. Now, I'm going to take you somewhere, alright? I am going to drink a potion, but no matter how much I plead with you to stop, you must keep giving it to me."

"No master! Kreacher cannot do that! Kreacher would never hurt dear Regulus!" he shrilled.

"That's an order. I also order you to take the object I will give you and to destroy it as soon as you can. You will have to escape as soon as possible, and do not save me if it means you will lose the object. Understood?" I said firmly. Kreacher nodded, huge tears running down his face.

"Now lets go."

There was so much pain I was nearly blinded. I could feel my chest heaving, and my insides battling to get rid of the vile liquid in me. my legs thrashed and I crashed to the ground. I was vaguely aware of Kreacher screaming. My heartbeat was slowing and I coughed. However, I felt the Horcrux in my hand. I could feel the vile pulsing of evil in it, and despite the pain I felt triumphant.

"Take this. Now go," I ordered in a hoarse voice. I heard a sob followed by a pop and I fumbled with the locket around my neck. As I opened it a redheaded girl appeared in front of me. she was covered in bloody lashes, and cowering away from an unseen person. The girl was Sara.

"Sara! No don't hurt her! Stop! Don't!" I screamed. They couldn't hurt her. They should hurt me, spare her please. I sobbed and took a piece of parchement.

"_Dear Dark Lord._

_I am dying, but I want you to know that I have it. I have taken what is dear to you and I shall make sure it is destroyed. The day will come when you will have no more power and you shall not hurt anyone. With my last breath, I curse you._

_R.A.B"_

As I signed it Sara shrieked again and her sister, the girl who's name I didn't even know, appeared in front of me.

"Regulus, help up! Please, it hurts!" Sara moaned. I reached my hands out to them.

"Please. Hurt me instead. Let me save them. Don't hurt them," I whimpered. I was blinded by pain and tears and I knew that I was going to die. I had known when I stepped into the cave. It was the only way to get the Horcrux. And maybe my sacrifice would be redemption for the pain I had caused, the people I had watched die. Maybe, I would be able to forgive myself. I had been a traitor of the worst sort.

Betraying the Dark Lord was never important. However, by becoming a Death Eater in the first place, I had betrayed myself. I had become someone I loathed. Maybe with this sacrifice, maybe because of my death, I would stop being a traitor to myself. I would have done something good in the world. I screamed in pain, but felt a sense of peace as the blackness surrounded me. the betrayal was over. As I drew a last breath, Sara and her sister's faces disappeared to be replaced with my brother. Sirius. I would die and he would always think I was cruel like the man I followed. The thing was though, if he knew, he would be proud. Sirius would be proud if only he knew. With that, I closed my eyes peacefully. Sirius would be proud.

**(A/N: TADA! So what do you think? I had fun writing it, because I absolutely love Regulus. I liked writing this sad and dark piece, I hope you liked reading it! Aren't the last lines so sad? Please leave a review! This was for undiscovered.legned's From a Death Eater's Eye's challenge!) **


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